I Am What I Repeatedly Do, But Who Am I This Year? (2021)

This year has been a year of firsts—new youtuber community, new Bible study community and a consistent creative lifestyle—and I’m just so excited for it. I have been a skeptic of New Years Resolutions, but this year I am not focusing on goals. Instead, I am focusing on what I want to be, but what I like to do and who that will be make me be. I have started to identify to be something new and act on convictions that align to that identity’s values.

For the past few years I said that I wanted to be a Youtuber, but actually I have been saying that I want to “try” youtube, but that hasn’t progressed into anything. Since joining Ali Abdaal’s Part Time Youtuber Academy, Cohort 2, I have said that I, and the rest of my fellow creators, ARE YOUTUBERS! Since I have identified myself as a Youtuber I have carved time for a Youtuber lifestyle and have continually made Youtuber-specific decisions on a weekly basis. I’m no longer wishfully thinking, I am doing what I believe I could be doing as Youtuber.

A deeper identity struggle that I’d had has been as a Christian. I have wrestled with the atmosphere that we have to work to please God and that what we do doesn’t please God. However, when it came to compare what I read in the Bible, purity culture, and how I practice love towards our neighbors, things didn’t add up. I felt like what believers call, a legalist, one who behaves based on the belief that we will earn God’s favor but following His “rules.” Since being invited to a Bible Study group based off the Love Reality Tour ministry, I have since identified myself as a child of God, being loved by God since birth, since before church life, and before being baptized. I am a child of God, loved whether or not I make mistakes and that sin has no power over me. I believed that I am loved by God and I didn’t need to be a “legalist” to keep being loved by Him.

Half the year is almost up. The COVID precautions are hopefully going to be lightened and life is going to be back to “normal.” As of the moment I am growing through these online communities. Despite last year feeling lonely, this year I feel much more empowered though the bonds I’ve made transcend the barrier of long distance. This year I am continuing to choose the things that I like, enjoy, and thrive in over and over again.